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Might be something to do with hairpin NAT within the firmware? Usually what you're doing works and from the comments it should work but you're missing something tiny the other examples must do? Here's a good project that has full featured star network connectivity with a portal of config to the device itself https://github.com/gmag11/EnigmaIOT
Yea his files are all broken up separately and based on a few different projects, so you can see the 2 that are more specific for you. like this one https://github.com/me-no-dev/ESPAsyncWebServer probably covers what you were going for.