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https://github.com/juanfont/headscale not to mention but Tailscale has a very good culture, I’m sure they would give notice if they pull the rug. There are also many alternatives such as Zerotier and more are showing up every day and open source options.
Sounds like a bunch of your pain points are just related to needing an online CA or ICA. But, looking through the Nebula docs I don't know that it supports things like CRL addresses where you could host the CRL, or OCSP responders. Someone got support for an OCSP responder but never submitted a PR with completed code: https://github.com/slackhq/nebula/issues/72
The Android client seems to be open source. No idea why the iOS/other ones aren’t. https://github.com/tailscale/tailscale-android
It's a feature of the client, and that is open source: https://github.com/tailscale/tailscale
There really should be a website like this that keeps track of popular & useful "free" things, documents the things they promise, and then tracks the date at which they turn into crap. A bit like https://killedbygoogle.com/, but for the enshittification of cloud services.
If you prefer Nebula there's also a managed SaaS offering for that : Defined Networking (https://www.defined.net/)
Netmaker (https://www.netmaker.io/) Netbird (https://netbird.io/)