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Hi, this is Raymond. I am one of the co-founders at ChatKitty.com. Based on your requirements, I think socket.io will be your best solution. Most of the chat API solutions on the market right now do not support self- hosting. socket.io
UI Components - React Native Gifted Chat
Performant Chat Server - Hasura (you don't need to code, so it's super quick to get a basic chat up and running)
Persistence - React Native MMKV (supports encryption natively and easily integrates with TanStack Query via persistQueryClient)
I actually started prototyping something like this https://github.com/jackbridger/super-simple-chat - it doesn't have all the features you need yet but maybe you could help me define the roadmap on it?