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A big topic of conversation at nostrica (nostr's first conference) last month was how to maintain decentralization. One of the biggest concerns was having a client or relay provider build features outside of the protocol to gain market share and enable them to lock-in users.
You are correct that there is no easy solution to these problems. There are draft NIPs that attempt to solve many of the problems you've described. You're welcome to join us in the conversation and work with us to try and solve these hard problems!
https://github.com/nostr-protocol/nips/pulls
The gossip client[0] has an interesting approach to relay discovery. I think they were working on drafting up a NIP for that so that the concept can be expanded to all clients.
> Gossip follows people at they relays they profess to post to. That means it has to discover which relays those are (see NIP-65). Gossip connects to all relays necessary to cover everybody you follow, while also trying to listen to the minimum number of relays necessary to do that (considering that there is overlap, and that people generally post to multiple relays). It also dynamically adjusts to relays being down or disconnecting.
[0] https://github.com/mikedilger/gossip
Nostr’s GitHub page discusses the issues with SSB.
https://github.com/nostr-protocol/nostr#the-problem-with-ssb...
https://www.nostr.net maintains a list of all known clients. I am a bit partial to astral, though it is resource intensive. You could try coracle, snort, or iris to see if they're more your fancy.
Between this new tool and https://github.com/simplex-chat/simplex-chat I am starting to feel like (at least from my filter bubble) that the web may be slightly starting to think about maybe someday turning the corner on centralized-by-default model for building new applications.
And/or it's just my first time seeing a complete pendulum swing on the apocryphal mainframe-pc-mainframe-pc cycle.
https://github.com/WICG/mobile-document-request-api/issues/6
But also... we have the saints of human history, https://archive.org, ticking along doing the good deeds. The more rag-tag ArchiveTeam folks. They keep saying it's not for archiving, but I really hope WebPackage / WebBundle specs take off, that we build a norm of take-away sites that we can retain. (Caveat: right now Chrome has zero interest in letting you use old snapshots, but I have zero faith this limited security totalitarianism will hold, given that Certificate Transparency lets us know that indeed this content did come from X site at Y time & had the right cert then.)
In general, it's all the web, so it only sort of matters that the thing goes away. We need to update the maxim, "Cool URIs Dont Change." Sometimes the resources go away. But the URI remains. And we can spread backups, share the content, even when the hosts vanish, because the web is so cool like that.