I don’t get all the hate for PHP and at this point I am too afraid to ask.

This page summarizes the projects mentioned and recommended in the original post on /r/ProgrammerHumor

InfluxDB – Built for High-Performance Time Series Workloads
InfluxDB 3 OSS is now GA. Transform, enrich, and act on time series data directly in the database. Automate critical tasks and eliminate the need to move data externally. Download now.
www.influxdata.com
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SaaSHub - Software Alternatives and Reviews
SaaSHub helps you find the best software and product alternatives
www.saashub.com
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  1. fig-standards

    Standards either proposed or approved by the Framework Interop Group

    PHP really "got it's act together" in my view when packagist and composer (which are PHP's equivalent of npm) became mainstream and with the release of the PSR community standards. We were admittedly a little behind the curve with regards to package managers but with standardised formats and not having to copy and paste zip file libraries anymore, PHP received a new lease of life.

  2. InfluxDB

    InfluxDB – Built for High-Performance Time Series Workloads. InfluxDB 3 OSS is now GA. Transform, enrich, and act on time series data directly in the database. Automate critical tasks and eliminate the need to move data externally. Download now.

    InfluxDB logo
  3. Packagist

    Package Repository Website - try https://packagist.com if you need your own -

    PHP really "got it's act together" in my view when packagist and composer (which are PHP's equivalent of npm) became mainstream and with the release of the PSR community standards. We were admittedly a little behind the curve with regards to package managers but with standardised formats and not having to copy and paste zip file libraries anymore, PHP received a new lease of life.

  4. Composer

    Dependency Manager for PHP

    PHP really "got it's act together" in my view when packagist and composer (which are PHP's equivalent of npm) became mainstream and with the release of the PSR community standards. We were admittedly a little behind the curve with regards to package managers but with standardised formats and not having to copy and paste zip file libraries anymore, PHP received a new lease of life.

  5. EventMachine

    EventMachine: fast, simple event-processing library for Ruby programs

    You could also use something like EventMachine (In ruby), Twisted (Python), Node (JS) or ReactPHP (for PHP) that will use the language and turn it into a web application server, and then you'll have only one long running process that handle all your requests with shared memory. You could even use something more fancy like RoadRunner in the case of PHP.

  6. RoadRunner

    🤯 High-performance PHP application server, process manager written in Go and powered with plugins

    You could also use something like EventMachine (In ruby), Twisted (Python), Node (JS) or ReactPHP (for PHP) that will use the language and turn it into a web application server, and then you'll have only one long running process that handle all your requests with shared memory. You could even use something more fancy like RoadRunner in the case of PHP.

  7. React

    Event-driven, non-blocking I/O with PHP.

    You could also use something like EventMachine (In ruby), Twisted (Python), Node (JS) or ReactPHP (for PHP) that will use the language and turn it into a web application server, and then you'll have only one long running process that handle all your requests with shared memory. You could even use something more fancy like RoadRunner in the case of PHP.

  8. node

    Node.js JavaScript runtime ✨🐢🚀✨

    You could also use something like EventMachine (In ruby), Twisted (Python), Node (JS) or ReactPHP (for PHP) that will use the language and turn it into a web application server, and then you'll have only one long running process that handle all your requests with shared memory. You could even use something more fancy like RoadRunner in the case of PHP.

  9. SaaSHub

    SaaSHub - Software Alternatives and Reviews. SaaSHub helps you find the best software and product alternatives

    SaaSHub logo
NOTE: The number of mentions on this list indicates mentions on common posts plus user suggested alternatives. Hence, a higher number means a more popular project.

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Did you know that PHP is
the 14th most popular programming language
based on number of references?