UsefulMods VS Geyser

There's tons of mods that do what Optifine did now. https://github.com/TheUsefulLists/UsefulMods

You can try Java tweaks - https://github.com/brucethemoose/Minecraft-Performance-Flags-Benchmarks or performance mods - https://github.com/TheUsefulLists/UsefulMods

Reference this list of performance mods, find your version, and ensure you're using as many as possible (as long as 2 don't conflict.)

Just an FYI, that list has been archived and is no longer being maintained. Use this instead: https://github.com/TheUsefulLists/UsefulMods

There's a mod for Java servers that allows Bedrock players to join as well. https://github.com/GeyserMC/Geyser

Geyser: Download Geyser

Geyser is a plugin that you can install on your server to enable crossplay. You can download it from their official website or from their GitHub page. There are different versions of Geyser for different types of servers, such as Spigot, Paper, BungeeCord, Waterfall and more. Make sure you download the version that matches your server type.

She plays bedrock edition on her iPad. MacOS only supports Java edition. You need something like Geyser to play together or use software like Parallels to install windows on your Mac so you can play bedrock.

geysermc is a plugin that allows bedrock players to connect to Java servers https://geysermc.org/

In case you're willing to give it a shot, see: https://geysermc.org/

Its a plugin called GeyserMC that lets Bedrock players join Java servers.

Geyser: Geyser is a proxy that lets Bedrock Edition players join Java Edition servers. It supports most Java features and cross-play between different platforms. You can use it as a plugin or standalone proxy. You can download Geyser from here and join their Discord for support here.